I’m not going to lie here. I just know this isn’t gonna be a good write-up. I’m not feelin’ it. In fact, I’m actually going to try and make these things shorter. I got to page 4 on the word processor with my last one. I’m putting more thought into these episodes than the scriptwriters. Enough preamble, lets get to this horror show.
The show starts. Rich and Dana study and make out. It never gets easier to see this. JT enters and ruins the mood like a rude jerk: “Can’t you two stop sucking face for a second? I gotta ask you SOMETHING” He actually says it like that. Dana and Rich look up as if they are going to respond, but then continue making out. JT needs to ask Rich for money because he lost yet another job and he needs cash for a date with Sam (hey I guess she IS in this season. That’s gotta hurt, aye Brendon?). Rich gives him a dollar, which is just ridiculous, I think we all know that. Sam enters, and casually mentions that someone at the shop quit recently. JT enthusiastically laps up the position. Rich (or maybe Dana, I can’t tell since these sickos seem to be attached at the mouth every time they’re on camera) wryly comments on JT’s lack of car knowledge: “You thought a catalytic converter was a sex job for a cat!” Sam doesn’t think it’ll be a good idea, but gives in to JT after a lot of belly aching on his part. JT disgustingly relishes the idea of being a grease monkey, since he can easily supply his own grease.
Cut to the kitchen. Carol and Lilly play go fish. Lilly sits at such an angle she’s clearly in the line of vision of Carol’s cards. Already this episode fucking blows it with the realism. Frank enters and talks about some debt he was owed. I was too mad about the shoddy card staging to listen closely. Long story short, Frank excitedly accepted a boat in lieu of payment from a client. Frank brings Carol and Lily out to the yard to show off the second boat in the backyard in so many episodes. It’s such a piece of junk you’re surprised Captain Ron wasn’t inside it. “In her day it was the fastest thing on the water!” Frank boasts like a proud parent. “Now it’s the ugliest thing in our yard” Carol quips. Uh Carol, Lily’s standing right there.
At the Auto shop, tales of JT bonering everything up are prevalent. We see him stuck inside a trunk, and then we see him drop a screwdriver into a running engine while tightening a screw. It flies all around inside, then flies out and almost stabs the boss in face! If the boss wasn’t sure about JT before boy does he have it in for him now!
The next morning Frank is up at 5 AM power-sanding his boat. “You’re gonna be as smooth as a blowhole on a baby dolphin.” Your dick should know huh Frank? Sorry, that was uncalled for. Al and Karen walk out into the backyard, deprived of their beauty sleep but still looking gorgeous. “What’s the idea of unplugging my sander?” Frank pouts after the girls do just that, fed up with their yells not being heard over Frank’s power tools. Carol gets involved... you know what? It’s just a scene showing that Frank is GOING OVERBOARD with his boat, no pun intended. And by “no pun intended” I mean “pun intended, I just wanted to point out that I made a pun.”
It’s JT’s second day at the Auto shop! And he does a faulty brake job! The boss tests it out and gets killed! The boss comes back, furious that JT killed him and totaled a customer’s car. He takes Sam in the office to yell about JT, presumably to order Sam to fire him. Now, the gag is that you’re supposed to not hear him, but you can see him through the window that he’s shouting up a lung, arms flailing, eyes popping out, etc. but the actor kinda fucked it up and you start to hear the yells, but at some point he switches his yells to airplane mode (he coulda used Rich’s mime class). They couldn’t fix that in editing? Or does Step by Step have so little confidence in the audience that they don’t think they’d understand the gag unless they heard the supposed-to-be-inaudible yells initially? Sam fires JT in the nicest possible way, and JT acts like a bratty rat. Big surprise.
JT fishes for sympathy at home by moaning about his getting fired, only to find out the family’s devastation is only because they lost money to Dana in the JT-getting-fired pool. Lilly further stinks things up by taking the news in such a way that JT might not be able to afford her birthday present. JT explains to Carol what happened, and Carol tells JT he’s quote “gotta apologize” unquote. So he goes to the garage, apologizes, Sam forgives him, they kiss, and JT comically bumbles everything up one last time in the garage before he leaves. Oh Sam, how do you put up with this!!!!  Now lets wrap up the B plot. Actually, this is more the Z plot. Let’s call JT & Sam’s plot the Y plot. Carol questions Frank’s obsession with the boat, which he’s still working on late into the night. Frank explains that when he was a kid he worked at a marina and was jealous of the rich kids and their boats, and he fantasized about getting a boat when he was an adult. “But you had a lot of kids instead” Carol says, trying to make Frank feel bad about his DECISIONS. “Yes, but I love all 7 of them.” Frank responds. Oh, so we’re still counting Brendon then? Is he just in his room this whole season? Has he become Peggy Bundy’s mom of Step by Step? Hell, I’d barely give Mark a full number. He’s half at best. And while we’re picking this apart, love is kinda strong for this lot. Frank lets Carol know that he includes her in his boat-owning fantasy, and Carol finally understands.  The End: JT got another job, dressed as a Weenie. He comes home from work, still in costume. He asks for help getting out of his costume: “I just had a monster Chilli dog and the zippers stuck!” everyone runs, JT falls on the ground, presumably shits his costume and shames his whole family. Hopefully he will have committed ritualistic suicide by next episode, but JT strikes me the cowardly type. Mark watch: Throw this guy a fucking bone! I’m glad I don’t have to look at him and all, but man, it’s getting embarrassing how little he’s in these things.
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