Jean-Luc teases the children at Lilly's birthday party by telling them he is cutting the hair of a celebrity. (that's the Cox digital cable description, and it's not even accurate, read on)
In this episode: It's Lilly's birthday! Lilly Watch fans, rejoice! JT is being gross as always and Lilly tricks him into getting her a good birthday present. She tells JT that he doesn't HAVE to get her a present, but AL is getting her a BARBIE'S DREAM HOUSE, complete with shudder-inducing gesture. JT vows to get her an even better present and runs outside still holding his disgusting sandwich made of a giant slab of cheese between two slices of salami. Sheesh, put your food back in the trough before you go running to the toy store and get grease on everything (oh wait that would happen anyway). Lilly checks off the latest victim of her scam and goes "oh Kaaaaareeeeennn..." and legitimately looks like Chucky while doing so.
The next morning, Frank walks into the kitchen in a lady's robe because SOMEONE took his bathrobe and I guess it never occurred to him to put on pants. Hilariously, Rich walks in wearing an enormous bathrobe. Frank tries to get him to give it back, but Rich isn't wearing anything underneath, and proves it to Frank by flashing him in the creepiest way possible. Rich was clearly more concerned with making sure Frank saw his dick than he was in proving he didn't have clothes on. Just seeing it from behind is violating.  Frank runs upstairs to wash his eyes out with lye while Carol asks Dana to help Lilly's birthday. Dana reverts from her new hypersexual Rich-fucking persona back to her old white-haired Darlene self and says that she doesn't see what's so hard about watching a bunch of brats, you just let them run wild and you know where this is going, right? Carol and Dana bet 50 bucks that Dana can run Lilly's birthday party without help, blah blah blah, let's go to the next scene.
Later on, while Dana is probably elsewhere fucking Rich, Jean Luc brags to the rest of the clan that he is doing the hair of a very famous, very secret celebrity. Some hints: it's a celebrity with one name, and it starts with an F (oh and is in this episode's title). Brendon guesses Flipper and Jean Luc goes off about what a goddamned idiot he is, which makes me legitimately laugh.
Lilly's birthday is here, and DANA's in charge! It's held at a 90's sitcom-brand Dumb Chuck E. Cheese Parody, complete with above-ground ballpit in the middle of the restaurant and their mascot animal costume with entire human face visible. This scene is a haven for bad child acting lovers like myself, this episode features insanely shitty twins, of which one is visibly bored while the other one is talking. Rich shows up at the party to help Dana, but you can't see him because a five-year-old is standing in front of him. Dana takes her post as head of party to be strict and domineering to the kids, because
Dana somehow ends up in the ballpit being tormented by the party guests while Rich was taking kids to the bathroom (who helped YOU reach the toilet, Rich?). A rude joke about how Rich got piss on his socks ensues. One of the bad actor twins gets upset with Dana's strict rules so he walks outside, fortunately Frank and Carol are right there. The kid is so bad at acting that what happens next is like a Lassie scene: Kid: I wan mymommy that wuss lady's meeeen.
Frank gets the rude idea to take the kid back to his mom and scare Dana into thinking he's missing. I'd call Frank an asshole for this, but he saw Rich's dick, so comeback of any kind is fair game.
The Reject Round-Up (Brendon, Mark, JT, Al, Karen, and even SAM) go to Jean Luc's salon to see the mystery celeb. Jean Luc reveals that it's a GUY and JT says "THAT'S SICK" and tries to run out. You picked a fine time to become homophobic, JT, after six years of living with Mark and your best friend before the French hairstylist showed up being a 30 year old virgin who lived in a van. Surprise, FABIO shows up, and in Jean Luc's defining moment equivalent to the Codeman's lottery-predicting-cheesehat, he cuts Fabio's hair by doing the great gag where he just cuts the very tip of one strand of hair. Karen, Al and Sam fight over the hair and  At the party, Dana is afraid because she thinks she lost the kid, she loses the bet to Carol, learns a lesson about how hard mothers really have it, blah blah blah, show's over. The writers of this show must care about Lilly as little as I do if they devoted her birthday subplot entirely to Dana. Lilly barely even appears in the party scenes at all. They don't even mention how Lilly's birthday party is being ruined by Dana. Happy birthday, Lilly.
The end: Fabio makes Karen and Al wet by reading them a sexy romance novel. It's not clear if this is a fantasy scene. Dana walks in (still with pizza smeared on her tits), sees Fabio and thinks she's hallucinating. It's still not clear if this is a fantasy scene.  Mark Watch: When Jean Luc is bragging about his famous celebrity client, Mark guesses Michelle Pfeiffer. "I'd love to go out with her," he says, yeah Mark just hope she doesn't get any soda on her tits. Brendon Watch: Brendon sees "the Baywatch babes" in a magazine, JT informs him that it's actually Ted Koppel in a speedo. I'm not sure how this is a joke at all. Then, at Jean Luc's salon, he says that if the mystery celeb "[is] Famous Amos, I hope he brought cookies." Of course you do Brendon, of course you do. Cultural name-checks: Buns of Steel, Dennis Rodman (a rude joke about his hair), Michelle Pfeiffer, Baywatch, Ted Koppel, Madonna, Sting, Cher, Gandhi, Flipper, Nazis (Rich calls Dana one), Fabio (obvs)
FINALLY! We get the back story to the opening credits that feature Lilly's birthday. I was waiting for this moment to arrive. I don't get how Rich was able to steal all that stuff (he stole food which I don't think Kon mentions) without 1 of the 20 Lambert family members being present. How are Brendon and JT not taking shifts on snack patrol? Now onto the party, I am almost 90% positive that this Possum Dave set was used in Full House once. It's not out of the question, but the fact that two Possum Dave's in the San Francisco and Generic Wisconsin area would have a day care center color scheme is alarming, and wrong. Also, Possum Dave is actually a pretty well known character actor. Okay, that might be a stretch but you may remember him playing opposite to John C. McGinley's character in Office Space. I saw him recently in a terrible promo for a Nintendo DS Cookbook with Fred Willard. Fred Willard kept referring to it as a game even though all it does is have a list of recipes. You want a game, go buy Cooking Mama, FRED. be back for the second half of STEP BY STEP: Rich Eats Out Second Half Comments I have nothing to say! Fabio appears and they do the stock "famous celebrity who is handsome" routine for the rest of the show. Lilly acts like a brat even though she made Dana's life a living hell (she's boning Rich which must be hell to begin with), and Karen moans five times. This episode is a real STINKER, but I think yesterday's was worse because of JT's catchphrase.
Rich calls Dana a Nazi like this: “you might wanna lighten up on this whole Nazi thing. I mean I find it very attractive but...” Rich is turned on by Nazis. He’s a self-hating Jew, basically. It’s also why he straightens his hair every morning. The kids guess cool celebrities: “Madonna! Sting!” What, did Andy Breckman write this?
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