IMPORTANT NOTE: For some reason while watching this, I did not understand that Frank and Carol were celebrating their ONE MONTH anniversary, NOT their ONE YEAR. I wasn’t alerted of my mistake until well after I finished this write-up. I do not feel like fixing it. Sorry.
In this episode: Frank reads Garfield and laughs like an idiot. Wow, is this the first documented case of a cynical comedy writer making fun of Garfield? The performance from Patrick Duffy is crazy. He sounds like a dying Winnie the Pooh with an IV full of HUNEY that is KILLING HIM SLOWLY. Dana is insulting to Frank. But what do you expect from her these days. In this scene, Frank describes the comic to Dana. From the sound of it, it really didn’t have a clear punch-line. Here is an approximation of the comic that I drew, based on Frank’s description:
Also in this scene, JT gets excited that Cody is visiting. Now, if you’ve followed these write-ups in their INTENDED order, you’ve heard us talk about Cody. But if you are insisting on being a loose cannon and reading this chronologically... well, tough soda-covered titties, my friend. I will gloss over his personality at best in this write-up, and reference something that happened in Season 6 while I do it.
In this episode there’s also an establishing shot featuring a jogger in a blue jogging suit running past the house. They use this same shot many times this season. I guess we’re supposed to just buy that the same jogger in the same jogging suit. A ridiculous notion at best! Then we cut inside to the kitchen and Carol is dancing and singing “Hot Hot Hot” and it’s really lame. It’s that thing of haha the kids walk in and catch mom doing something embarrassing! But it just sucks. I guess this was Carol testing the waters for being able to do dumb gratuitous musical numbers later down the road. So here we find out Frank and Carol’s first anniversary is coming up. You really don’t need to know much more than that. Oh wait, I guess you do. Carol says Frank doesn’t need to get her a gift. I’m more hung up on the idea that a YEAR has passed between the pilot and the fourth episode. I guess even before Lilly was born the family had an interest in impossibly advancing time.
Lets get out of this sub-plot. There’s a little more to it at this point in the episode, but I don’t care to cover it. You’ve seen this episode on every other sticom in the universe. Don’t worry. You aren’t missing out on anything. What we really need to get to is the introduction of CODY! Carol walks into the kitchen to see a stranger rooting through her fridge. She demands to know who he is. Before introducing himself proper, he delivers his very first line: “Fruit, Nahahaha, blows me away!” (He’s holding a bowl of fruit, he ISN’T looking at Mark). And this is everything you need to know about Cody. He talk like a surfer, is scatter-brained, and for some reason will receive applause every time he walks on set a few months from now. He was meant to be a recurring character rather than a permanent cast member, just like Fonz and Kimmy Gibbler and Urkel before him. Step by Step must’ve realized “oh shit, we need one of those.” And so the Code-man was born, pushed out TGIF’s uterus and directly down our throats, covered in birthing fluid, pussy farts, and about... a half-hour? 45 minutes? An hour at the VERY most worth’s of thought in front of a word processor. That’s where Cody comes from.  JT and Cody catch up, and Cody is a TAD bit more of a scuzzball in this episode. He dishes about bodacious babes, and assures JT that the road is full of them, even bragging a little about bagging a few. We’d later find out that Cody is saving himself for marriage, so “bagging” to him must mean anal only. JT bets Cody TWENTY BUCKS that he couldn’t bag Dana if he tried (he’s obviously been trying with his schoolboy act). Dana enters, speak of the devil, and the Cody tries his moves. No luck, Dana leaves the room laughing one of the most tortured laughs I’ve ever heard. Man, there is some hella sadness in that laugh. I can’t even make fun of it.  Frank comes back from the hardware store when Carol presents him with, you guessed it, an anniversary present! A BEAUTIFUL jacket! To protect himself from the cold with! Well turns out he’s going to need it IN the house, because when Carol finds out that Frank didn’t get her a thing, that’s the kind of reception she’s going to give Frank! Carol digs into Frank’s shopping bag assuming it’s a present for her, but is horrified to find it’s a power saw. “You got me a saw?” Carol asks. “I didn’t get you a saw, I got me a saw.” Frank replies, getting extremely close to saying “STINKY PUSSY” in Cherokee, a secret joke the writing staff was probably very proud of. Carol is mad at Frank for the rest of the episode until the romantic gesture at the end. Carol is kinda being a cunt. Frank is kinda being a little clueless. Whoops, Sorry... I didn’t mean to use the c-word. Frank is being dopey. Better? Both of them are wrong, basically. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Why can’t everyone be a good dude? Huh? WHY CAN’T??
So here’s what happens: Frank turns Carol’s beauty salon into a romantic Jamaican restaurant, forcing JT to be a waiter. Frank: (ordering drinks) Two Jamaican Farewells.
Hey, that’s funny! It’s a joke that’s been around since the beginning of time, but it’s funny!
So JT is making drinks for his parents who are about to bone so he can walk in on them and get grossed out (whoops I gave away the ending) when Cody and Dana come home from their date! Dana found out about JT’s bet and dated Cody just to spite him! But the plan backfires: Cody doesn’t want JT’s cash because... he’s in love! He’s head over heels for Dana, who is horrified by this turn of events. She goes to upstairs to jerk off to a text book, Cody laughs like an idiot, JT watches his parents have sex, and this is finally over.
Fat Lady Watch: Redhead hides Frank’s present when he suddenly walks into the room when Carol is showing it off, and generally acts like a ninny. Both of them also work in the salon, and one of them, I forget which, kills an old lady by leaving her under a dryer.
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