Rated: R | Runtime 98 | AKA: Fargo
Denny Middleson
Video Jerks Customer
12.25.2009
REVIEW: Fargo, a cold movie about a cold-blooded crime. Need I say more?
Fine I will. The thing about Harold winters is that they make my legs itch. I don't know what it is. I asked the woman five cubicles down because her husband is a doctor. She says it has to do with the dryness of the air. That sounds like absolute bullshit to me, because if Harold winters are anything they are fucking wet. My socks gets soaked and my wife, my fucking wife, makes me stand outside in the cold to stamp my feet in a absolutely fruitless attempt to get rid of the cold wet slush that is clinging to my person. It's probably because my legs are so wet from the slush and the sweat from wearing layers that I made my legs a fucking breeding ground for infection. I doesn't matter to me, science won't save me from scratching the shit out of my shins.
You really need to see my shins too. It has more lines running down it than a god damn zebra. I try to get every bit of nail into each scratch in a vain attempt that hopefully I will be able to rid myself of the itch, or at the very least cause so much pain to my legs that I just feel completely numb from the knees down. If I don't tap blood into my scratching sessions, then I am not trying hard enough. Then you look at your legs and you see all these white crumbs as if you just ate an entire loaf of french bread. BUT IT IS NOT BREAD, IT IS SKIN, DEAD HUMAN SKIN. My wife offered to get my some anti-itch cream, but I'm not going to work with SAV on my fucking legs leaving grease stains on my pants. If I want to look like I pissed myself, I'LL PEE ON MYSELF. IT WILL WARM UP MY LEGS AT THE VERY LEAST.
Imagine all this bullshit while trying to kidnap your own wife. Need I say more?
