DEAR DIARY

TODAY WAS QUITE POSSIBLY THE BIGGEST DAY THAT A BIG GUY LIKE MYSELF OCULD HAVE... I WAS GOING TO FINALLY HAVE A BABY AND I'M A MAN

IT ALL STARTED WHEN I WAS AT AN ALLY OU CAN EAT AND *SOMEBODY* PUT OUT A GARBAGE PAIL FULL OF SPERM BEING A CURIOUS BUSYBOY BODY I DECIDED TO GIVE IT A SNIFF. IT SMELLED DELICIOUS... LIKE SOMETHING IC OULD ONLY HAVE DREAMED TO EXIST THAT WOULD SMELL SO GOOD! THIS WAS A PAGE OUT OF A FANTASY THAT WAS WRITTEN BY SOMEBDOY ELSE WHILE I DICTATED (I CAN'T TYPE IN FACT I'M DICTATING THIS TO SOMEBODY WHOS TYPING THIS TO ME). WELL ONE THING LEAD TO ANTHER AND I ALSO GOT A PUSSY IN MY STOMACH FROM A MISTAKE THAT HAPPENED DURRING SURGERY , AND I ATE ALL THE SPERM.

FLASH TOO 9 MONTHS LATER... YESTERDAY FOR YOU AND ME< DIARY, AND I AM NOW IN THE HOSPITAL USING UP THEIR INTERNET TO TELL YOU DAIRY GOERS THAT I AM FINALLY GOING TO BE A FATHER. I'LL LET YOU KNOW HOW THIS ALL TURNS UP... I GOT AN ULTRA SOUND BUT I DID NOT LOOK AT IT BECAUSE I WANT TO TAKE IT OUT AFTER I SEE MY BABY AND SAY "IS THIS YOUR CARD." LOL. SLEEP WELL AND TOMMOROW I MIGHT HAVE A BABY ON MY HANDS

UPDATE: (JANURAY 31) THE BABY CAME OUT AND HE'S HEALTHY AS EVER AND JHAPPY TO BE HOME!