Comics: Summer of 2007

Drawn on little bits of Scratch Paper while at work

5/25/2007: The Wait is Ogre!

This is the birth of STUPID JERK, who in this picture is actually God. He creates creatures by yelling. Here he is, creating a shrek. The wait is ogre!

I drew the bottom half of the head first. Then the top. Then I drew that dumb-looking circular blade. A coworker called this "awesome." Thanks!

The concept here would be that I would give this to a girl and she'd laugh and be very impressed by my clever joke. But if I did that I wouldn't be able to scan it and show it off to strangers, so fuck that, dude.

I think this might be my favorite cartoon drawing of myself I've ever drawn. I am flipping of customers who annoy me.

What a peice of work. You can see through his mesh hat that he is bald. This guy basically represents really old adult Shrek fans who just make me sick. Seeing 50-something couples walk into a Shrek movie just depress me. Come on guys, you're grown-ups. ACT LIKE IT!

Tough-guy man-jewelry and Tattoos are just awful. And so is this person. This is the type of dude who calls me bro and gets excessively aggressive when asking for a refund. He also gratuitously curses while ordering tickets. You don't even know me, dickhead. TAKE ME OUT TO DINNER FIRST, SHEESH!

This is a typical gross-looking dude who emulates the lead-singer of Smash Mouth and considers all things Vegas-related to be appealing and cool. I don't understand a dude who enjoys flame-imagery on his person. If you were to look at the back of his shirt, you'd see an embroidered skull wearing a top-hat, with dice in it's mouth instead of teeth. I should have drawn his arms fatter.

My least favorite of the people I'm flipping off. I was going for variety. The skateboard and the hat were big missed oppertunities.

I felt the need to make myself look uglier and nervousier

See, he's watching porn powered by a generator. So even though this is about a black-out, the comic I guess is about him jerking-off at home, which is pretty much bussiness and usual. A terrible waste of a black-out plot.

I guess this is Doug as a man. All you really have to is add a tasteful wrinkle here and there and make him not smile.

Even though he is all-grown up, Doug still ocasionally dons his Quailman outfit and fights crime, a lot like how Michael Oliver still puts on his bowtie and blairs "Bad to the Bone" on his car stereo right before he sneaks into an ex-fiance's house to punch-in every mirror she owns.

A Print of "Dale" came in when I was drawing the Doug series. I thought the idea of telescoping secret identities would be fun, but I couldn't think of anything beyond this. I was gonna do DOUG Earnhardt and simply have him take off the belt and undies. But that'd be weak.

I just wanted to draw Jonathan Richman. and then I realized the shape of his head reminded me of Mac Tonight, so I drew him at a piano. Mac Tonite was a horrifying McDonalds character who had a moon head and played piano and sang about how McDonalds is open later nowadays and how classy it is to be open late. Maybe it's hard to see, but the second thought bubble is of Mac Tonite shooting himself in the mouth, my favorite suicide.

The Booth Desk at Movies 10, which I was sitting at when I drew this. My favorite thing about this scene is the Safety Goggles; they used to be on a hook that was mounted on the wall, but that got ripped out and a hole and some stripped paint is now there in its place. Some enterprising go-getter made the best of the situation by simply hanging the goggles on the wiring pipe, maintaining the integrity of the arrow.

I'll tell you why this is funny: It's drawn on the back of a Shift-Switching Request Form. Oh also, I was gonna DRAW his father's penis, but realized two things: one, I'd have to write that it's his father's penis anyway; and two, I was gonna be showing this off to people who don't yet know me very well and think I was a creep. Also: I can't draw guns. Also, if it's not clear: This guy is not actually in the army. He just owns a shirt and helmet that say ARMY.

I quickly drew this second version of the previous drawing as a joke. I forget what the joke is, though.

Man, I really blew it this time.

I honestly had this dream last night. The lack of neck isn't as aparent as I'd hoped in this picture. In my dream I was a disgusting blob in a big drapey San Jose Sharks jersey, and I had my old hair-cut from seventh grade. And I was nursing a soda. I quit my regularly drinking soda about a year ago and consider it to be the biggest reason why I've lost a bunch of weight. I will never go back after this dream.

I thought of the t-shirt idea first. Man what a great idea for a Simpsons shirt. A pro-Moe shirt. Then I came up with the character of a Dumb Simpsons fan. Because most Simpsons fans are brainy nerds, right? Then I almost filled in the TV screen as black and realized what a great oppertunity it was. So I drew a newscaster committing suicide live on the air. I could've done better, probably.

A guy at work said he looks like an ex-cop. So he's an ex-cop.

Just to be clear, this guy celebrates christmas regularly. He does not need shoulder angels to put that bug in his ear.

This guy loves McDonalds, he's also related to Dr. Demento somehow. I'm not sure how though. Also, his suit is a crushed velvet forrest green. He also totally sucks.

Based on an episode of that shitty "Land of the Lost" remake show from the 90s when that dumb ugly dinosaur thing got some magic in her and could suddenly speak english, and she talked like a teenage girl and totally sucked.

I do not need to comment on this

See, the BANG and the specs in #5? that was me shooting myself, and those were specs of blood, which I was going to make red, but couldn't find a red marker or anything to do it with. I very briefly THOUGHT about actually cutting myself and using REAL blood. But that would be fucking insane and creepy, and I'd misrepresent myself as some kind of desperate sadboy crying out for help. I'm not!

This is based on a few different people who were watching the fire that happened behind the theater on the 16th. A wooden fence and some trees caught on fire. It was pretty impressive. Oh yeah, this dude has high-school wrestling-mat herpies on his forhead even though he's in his 30s

I decided the world deserved a more accurate portrayal of my hair, and a less accurate portrayal of everything else.

"Get out of my LIFE" is something I've been trying to turn into a catch-phrase for myself, but I either forget to say it or the oppertunity doesn't come up. When I say it in my head, it's usually in a Jon Lovitz voice. The reason I'm so mad at the guy in the picture is because he made the fatal mistake of supporting both BOATS AND TRUCKS, which any decent human being knows you have to allign yourself with one or the other, but NEVER both, or face rudeness from strangers who make less money than you do.