Helpful Hints: learning to study better

(originally appeared in the October 23, 2002 issue of the Advance Titan)


With the semester in full swing and midterms overwhelming many students, the ability to study effectively can be the difference between passing and failing. Here are some tips to improve your studying:



  • Your textbook is an important resource that is vital in preparing for an exam. However, textbooks can cost as much as $120. Screw that, no grade is worth that much.

  • Essay exams are almost impossible to study for. Just accept the futility of studying and get used to failure.

  • Liquor will help your brain retain information. This is a proven fact. Do shots as you study. Trust me.

  • I once heard somewhere that if you have a multiple choice exam and you put all answers as "C," you have a 40 percent chance of passing. I like those odds.

  • If you don’t want to study for 12 hours nonstop before an exam, maybe you should have started studying weeks ago, dumbass.

  • One word: bribes.

  • Some people study best when they use flash cards. Flash cards are not playing cards with pictures of naked women on them. Studying those won’t help you on your test.

  • Professors don’t want to hear what you think the right answer is, they want you to tell them what they want to hear. On essay and short answer tests, answer all questions with "you’re the best professor ever" or "you are pretty."

  • Take good lecture notes. Even if you don’t read the book, you can still ace an exam by studying good lecture notes ... oh wait, what’s that? You didn’t take good lecture notes? Well, looks like somebody is going to have to take geography 101 again next semester






The only things I have are my intellectual property and mycollection of plastic souvenir cups from Taco Bell commemorating the release of "Batman Returns."  So if you steal the former well then I might just have to kill himself.  Everything on this site is copyright Chris Becker, except for the pictures I stole and then Photoshopped the crap out of.  If for some bizarre reason you want to reprint any of  bullplop written here, or just want to send me any death threats or marriage proposals, contact Chris Becker at beckec89(at)uwosh(dot)edu.