Helpful Hints: how to get the most out of spring break

(originally appeared in the March 12, 2003 issue of the Advance Titan)


With spring break right around the corner, students are preparing to travel throughout the world to get to warmer climates. However, traveling to foreign countries can be difficult and confusing. Here are some tips to have a better spring break traveling experience.



  • If a bunch of cameramen wearing "Girls Gone Wild" shirts ask you to flash them, make sure you sign the waiver first. Otherwise, how do you ever plan on being a star? Also note, if the camera is an 8-year-old Sony camcorder and "Girls Gone Wild" is misspelled, there won't be a waiver.

  • If you visit a foreign country where English is not the primary language, you might have some trouble communicating with the natives. Make sure you talk really loud and really slow so they'll understand you.

  • If you go to Jamaica and you leave the resort, make sure to bring lots of money for when you get robbed.

  • Make sure you experience the cultural heritage of where ever you go for spring break. Visit local museums or art exhibits when you're not busy giving yourself alcohol poisoning.

  • Don't worry if you have no plans for spring break. You can use your imagination, with a little help from your local library, to go any place you want to go! (will not actually work)

  • Make sure you have reservations well in advance for wherever you plan on spending your well-deserved vacation. As Stu from the 1983 classic movie "Spring Break" so eloquently put it: "We got el shafto grande; we got no place to stay." Also, never, ever watch the 1983 classic movie "Spring Break."

  • Screw you jerks. I'm getting all four of my wisdom teeth pulled during spring break. All of you people who plan on having fun can shove it.






The only things I have are my intellectual property and mycollection of plastic souvenir cups from Taco Bell commemorating the release of "Batman Returns."  So if you steal the former well then I might just have to kill himself.  Everything on this site is copyright Chris Becker, except for the pictures I stole and then Photoshopped the crap out of.  If for some bizarre reason you want to reprint any of  bullplop written here, or just want to send me any death threats or marriage proposals, contact Chris Becker at beckec89(at)uwosh(dot)edu.