Helpful Hints: dating tips

(originally appeared in the November 6, 2002 issue of the Advance Titan)


Interacting with members of the opposite sex can be difficult and awkward. Whether you're on a first date or are trying to liven up a stagnant relationship, here are some tips to make any night a memorable one.



  • The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. When on a date with a man, repeatedly punch him in the stomach until he falls in love with you.

  • Jokes often work as good icebreakers.Try telling your date, “What’s the deal with airline food? I mean come on, what’s the deal?” or, “What’s up with those little white plastic things in pizza boxes? What is up with that, you know what I mean?”

  • Going to a movie and dinner is such a cliché. Instead, take your date to a cockfight.

  • If you and your date are at a restaurant, order the most expensive item on the menu and several bottles of the most expensive wine. When the bill comes, tell your date you have to go to the bathroom, and than leave the restaurant. That’s how you get a free meal.

  • Women enjoy getting flowers and candy. However, those things are expensive. Instead, buy neither and explain that by not buying flowers or candy you’ll have enough money to buy some condoms.

  • If you are a pre-operative transsexual, don’t tell your date. Let your date find out on his/her own when you start to get intimate. The look on his/her face when he/she finds out you’re a he/she will be priceless.

  • Never go on a blind date. Even though your blind date might be ugly, whoever set up the date might lie to you and say the person isn’t ugly.

  • The only sure way to avoid sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy is complete abstinence. If you are female, join a nunnery. If you are male, kill yourself.

  • Don’t even bother. Nobody could ever possibly like you.






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