OK MON, I KNOW THAT IF I LIVE IN JAMAICA, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE OCCASIONAL HURRICANE DESTROYING MY SHODDILY CONSTRUCTED SHACK AND TURNING MY LIVING SPACE FROM A DUMP INTO A SLIGHTLY LESS ORGANIZED DUMP. I HAVE LEARNED TO ACCEPT THIS AS JUST MORE PROOF THAT GOD HATES ME AND MY SUFFERING IS LIKE SWEET, DELICIOUS NECTAR TO HIM. WHATEVER, IS PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS THE REST OF ME LIFE, LORD HAVE MERCY.
AND I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE I'M ONE OF THESE ASSHOLES WHO LIVES ON A CLIFF IN CALIFORNIA AND COMPLAINS ABOUT ALL THE MUDSLIDES AND EARTHQUAKES THAT KEEP SENDING MY HOUSE INTO A VAST CREVICE AND THEN COVER IT IN MUD, OR ONE OF THESE OLD FARTS IN FLORIDA RETIREMENT VILLAGES WHO SAY THAT YEAH ALL THE HURRICANES ARE A HASSLE BUT IT'S BETTER THAN LIVING IN A RETIREMENT VILLAGE IN ARIZONA AND HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ALL THAT DRY HEAT.
THESE PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK; IF YOU HAVE ENOUGH RESOURCES TO MOVE SOMEWHERE WHERE THERE ISN'T A GOOD CHANCE THAT YOU WILL GET MURDERED BY THE WEATHER, AND YOU SOMEHOW DECIDE NOT TO, THEN YOU ARE A JAH-DAMNED IDIOT
BUT BACK TO ME POINT: I AM COMPLETELY SICK OF HURRICANES! I KNOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THEM AND USE HURRICANES AS AN EXCUSE FOR WHEN I CRACK MY DISOBEDIENT CHILDREN'S COLLAR BONES WITH A BAT. THE MOST RECENT WEATHER PATTERN THAT DROVE ME TO CHILD ABUSE WAS SOMETHING CALLED HURRICANE IVAN.
WHICH REMINDS ME, ISN'T IVAN AN EASTERN EUROPEAN NAME? WHY THE FLYING FUCK WOULD YOU NAME A FORCE OF NATURE AFTER SOMEONE FROM A REGION OF THE WORLD THAT IS THOUSANDS OF MILES FROM WHERE THIS FORCE OF NATURE OCCURS? ARE THERE SNOW STORMS AND AVALANCHES IN RUSSIA THAT ARE BEING REFERRED TO AS "EL DIABLO BLANCO" BY THE LOCALS?
ANYWAY, THIS ASSHOLE OF A STORM REALLY RIPPED MY HUT A NEW ONE. IT'S A GOOD THING I HAVE SO MANY CHILDREN WITH TINY HANDS THAT I CAN USE TO NAIL ALL THE PIECES OF ALUMINUM SHEET METAL THAT MAKE UP THREE WALLS OF MY HOUSE TO THE TREE THAT SERVES AS THE FOURTH WALL OF MY HOUSE (THE TINY HANDS ARE REALLY USEFUL BECAUSE THERE'S LESS OF A CHANCE THAT ONE OF THE LITTLE MONSTERS WILL ACCIDENTALLY NAIL HIS OR HER HAND TO THE SHEET METAL, AND THAT MEANS I DON'T LOSE AS MANY NAILS FROM HAVING TO THROW AWAY THE BENT, PULLED-OUT ONES I PULL OUT OF THEIR HANDS).
I'D BE MIGHTY PISSED IF I HAD TO TAKE TIME OUT OF MY BUSY SCHEDULE OF THROWING EMPTY BOTTLES OF RUM AT TAXI CABS AND SNATCHING FANNY PACKS TO RE-BUILD MY HOUSE, ESPECIALLY SINCE I'D HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN IM LIKE A WEEK BECAUSE HURRICANES SEEM TO BE PRETTY COMMON FOR SOME REASON.
BUT I THINK I COULD LIVE WITH THE HURRICANES; WHAT REALLY THROWS ME INTO A RAGE IS THESE ASSHOLE AMERICANS COMING TO HERE WHENEVER THERE IS A HURRICANE AND ACTING ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY WHEN THEY GIVE US PLASTIC BLANKETS AND MICROWAVEABLE DRY NOODLES. IT'S NOT LIKE THEY ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THE FACT THAT THE HURRICANE TOSSED AT LEAST SEVEN OF MY CHILDREN INTO THE OCEAN, AND THE ONLY WAY I COULD AVOID A SIMILAR FATE AS SHARK FOOD WAS TO BUNGEE CORD MYSELF TO A LARGE ROCK AND PRAY TO THE WICKED AND SPITEFUL JAH THAT NO STOP SIGN WOULD FLY TOWARDS ME AT A TRILLION MILES AN HOUR AND SHANK ITSELF INTO MY STOMACH.
ALL THESE JERKS CARE ABOUT IS PRETENDING TO HELP US SO THAT THEY CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES. IT'S LIKE THEY'RE ONLY GIVING US WATER PURIFICATION TABLETS BECAUSE THEY THINK IT WILL HELP THEIR CASES WHEN THEY DIE AND GO TO HEAVEN. LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO BE STANDING IN FRONT OF BLOOD-CLOT ST. PETER GOING "HEY REMEMBER THOSE SMELLY JAMAICANS I THREW BLANKETS ON AND GAVE BIBLES TO, EH EH EH?"
THERE WAS EVEN THIS REUTER'S ARTICLE WHERE SOME PRICK OF A VOLUNTEER WORKER SAID, "THERE WAS NEED FOR MEDICAL SUPPLIES EVEN BEFORE THE HURRICANE. GOD TRULY ANSWERED PRAYER WITH THIS PARTNERSHIP WITH WORLD VISION." NOW FIRST, THAT SORT OF SOUNDS LIKE GOD WAS HELPING US JAMAICANS BY SENDING US A HURRICANE, BECAUSE THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY WE WOULD GET ANY HELP FROM THESE ASSES. AND PERSONALLY I AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT, BECAUSE I KNOW HOW MUCH OF A JERK GOD IS. HE WOULD DO SOMETHING AS HATEFUL AS ANSWERING OUR PRAYERS FOR MEDICINE AND BOOZE BY KICKING OUR ASSES, HURRICANE STYLE. WHAT A JERK!
by Violently Angry Rasta