by Nathaniel Hawthorne, author and anime fan

Hey Hey, Whats Up Yall? This Is Gorilla Pirate Dot Coms Resident Anime Lover (Or Otaku ^___^ ) And American Romantic Author With A Tortured Puritan Ancestory Coming At You Again This Week. I Was Just Finishing Up My Short Story Ethan Brand, Which I Was Inpsired To Write By Cartoon Networks Best [adult swim] Anime And Also My Favorite One, "Vash Teh Stampede". Although [adult swim] On Cartoon Network Is Great Animes, There Are Still A bunch of Shows There That REally S*ck. And Not At All Suprisingly These Are All AMerican Cartoons, Oh What A Surprise American Cartoons Are SOOO Bad, They Are So Much Worse Than Anime, Which If You Are A N00b Is Cartoons From Japan (Which Is Actually Called Nippon As True Otaku Liek Myself Know ^___~) And Unlike American Cartoons Which Are Just STUPID, ANime Is Like Art.

Liek There Is This One Cartoon On [adult swim] Called Acua Team Hunters Force And It Is Not An Anime It is An American And Obviously, SUprise Suprise, It is Very Very Stupid. It Is Just Basically A Commercial For McDonalds As It Stars Living Versions Of A McDonalds SuperSize Meal, Which Is Just Stupid And Doesn"t Make Any Sense. It Is All Stupid And Random And It Is Totally Gay. But At Least Somtimes It Is Funny, Liek When They Talk About Drugs Or Something And They Use Curse Words, Swear Words Are Really Funny I Mean You Don't Eevn Need To Tell A Joke, Just Have Someone Say "Shut Up B*tch, I'll Kick Yuor A**" And Then Thats Liek LOL. At Least Acau Team Hunters Forces Is Better Than This Stupid Space Ghost show That was on [adult siwm] Befour It Got Canclled for Being So Stupid. It Was Seriously The Worst Show Evre, It Was Supposed To Be Liek A Talk Show With Cartoons Interviewing A Real Person, But Yeah Right That Just Proves the Interviews Are Fake Caues You Can't Make Live Cartoons >___< And Beside It Was Just The Same Three Characters Every Episode And They Just Reused Old Animations That Is SOOO Stupid, All They Did Was Talk They Didn't Even Do ANything, At LEast in Acua Teams Hunters Forces They Kill People Sometimes (Violence Is Funny Too BTW ^__~)

But This Is Just On Cartoon Networks [adult swim], In Actually ALL American Cartoons Are Worse Than All Japanese Cartoons, And I Believe I Know Something About Making Good Shows Cause I Did In Fact Write The Scarlet Letter, Which Is A Classic American Story About Romance And Religion And Deceptions (Although I Prefer The Movie Version Better Cus Demmy Moore Is HAWT In That ^__^;; )

Any Way Here Is A List Of Reasons Why Anime Is Better Than American Cartoons:

1. People In Anime Actually Look Liek Real People!

In American Cartoons The Characters Don't Even Ever Look ANYTHING Like How Real People Look, Like The Eyes Are All Bulgy And Huge And Don't Even Look Like Real Eyes (Like Have You Ever Seen The Show SpongeBob SquarePants, And WTF Why Would Anyone Watch A Show About Sponges And Fish, They Can'T Even Talk Thats Just Retarded). And The People In American Cartoons Just Look STUPID, Like That Show "Dexter's Lab" On Cartoon Network, They Look Like People Made Out Of Eggs With Toothpick Arms, What Is This Humpty Dumpty LOL ^__^. And Have You Eevr Known Any People Who Look Like The Simpsons uhhh NO, LOL, I Mean There Aren't Any People With Blue Hair In Real Life. But Characters In Animes Actually Look Like Real People, They Have Realistic Bodies And Their Faces Actually Look Like Human Faces OH WHAT A CONCPET AMERICAN CARTOONESTS, WHY DIDN"T YOU THINK OF DOING THAT O_o. See Anime Faces Look Like This:

See In ANime People Just Don't Have Squigqles or Random Lines For Hair, The Hair Looks Realistic Like Real Hair, So It Looks Spikey, Also Sometimes the Hair Is Pink Or Blue Because There Are Lots Of Popular Hair Sytles In Nippon With Pink Or Blue Hair, They Are Like Raver Hair Styles Or Something And They Look Really Cool, And Anime Is Better For having Characters With Pink And Blue Hair Because Things From Nippon Are Better! Also Look At The Nose And The Mouth And The Nose, They Are Realistic Looking Not Like Some Stupid American Cartoons Where The Nose Is A Ball LOL WTF. And Finally Look At Teh Eyes, They Are So Big And Huge Because The Anime Artists Want To Show That The Eyes Aren't Flat, They They Bulge Out, ANd Also To Show Emotion Like Anger, And I Know A Lot About Emotion As I Wrote "Young Goodman Brown" And I Think I Wrote A Lot Of Good Descriptions OF Emotions Liek Fear And Anger In That One. So You SEe All Characters In All Animes Look Like This, Because This Is How People ACTUALLY Look.

2. Animes Are All Different And Unique, And American Cartoons Are All Basically The Same

All Animes Are Special And Creative And Wonderful And Unique, And DIfferent In Their Own Ways, But All American Cartoons Are Basically The Same. Here is An Example: I Already Mentioned The Ugly Show "Dexter's Lab," Which Is About An Ugly Little Kid Who Has A Giant Science Lab Where He Does Experiments On, But THere Is Another Show EXACTLY Like It On Nickelodeon Called "Jimmy Neutron," I Mean The Names Basically Look Alike Too, ANd If You Look At The Names In Japanese Symbol Language, Then Both Symbols For Their Names In Japanese Look Almost Exactly The Same, I Mean Even Though Most Japanese Symbols All Look Pretty Much The Same To Me, They Look EXACTLY The Same Even More Than Usually, WTF Thats Retarded.

Animes On The Other Hand Are All Different, I Mean One Anime Might Be About Giant Robots Fighting In Space Which Is Cool, Another Might Be About Future Ninjas Fighting In Space, And ANother Might Be About Robot Ninjas, And They Might Not Even Be In Space, They Might Even Be In Old Timey Japan Or The Wild Wild West, Like Any Ameriacn Cartoon Could Compete With THAT >__<

3. Aniems Deal With Deep Philosophical Issues About Philosophy, Amreican Cartoons Are Stupid And Silly

And Believe Me, I Know A Lot About Real Deep Philosophy Stuff, And You Would Know That If You Ever Have To Read My Book "The Scarelet Letter" For An English Class. D00d, Last Year In Freshmen English I Had To REad The Book "Cathcer In The Rye" And It Totally S*cked, But It Did Also Have Deep Philosophy Stuff, Liek Animes Have. In Animes They Also Have Like Philosohpical talks About Stuff Like "Is It Ok To Kill People Even If Their Are Bad guys"? Or "Does It Make Me A Bad Guy If I Kill People"? or "Should Ninjas Or Giant Robots Kill People Or Can They Just Get Bye With Hurting Them Real Bad, Cause I Mean They Have Wicked BadAss Ninja Swords And Giant Robot Missles And Lazers And Stuff So They Shouldnt Let Them Go To Waste, Especially When They Are Fighting Badguys"? But American Cartoons Are Just Silly And Random And Stupid, And Its Just Jokes About A Character Making A Silly Face When Something Bad Happens, And THey Dont Actually Talk About Anything Important Like In Animes.

Plus Anime Stories Actually Have A Goal, Liek They Are Supposed To Kill The Bad Guy, Or Get The Treasure, Or Something, And They Actually Do it In Liek 20 Episodes, But Then Instead of Cancelling The Show They Make Some Really Good Plot Twist That Allows The Show To Continue, Like The Bad GUy Can Come Back To Life, Or There Are Even More Treasure, Or Even Better They Discoevr That There Is A New And Even Stronger Adn Badder Badguy That They Have To kill, Dragon Ball Does That Like All The Time And It Has Been The Most Popular Show Since Like 15 Years Probbaaly. But Amiercan Cartoons Dont Actually Have Plots, Theyre Plots Are Things Like Just A Bunch Of Stuff Happens To The Characters And At The End Of The Show Everything Is The Same As It Was At The Beginning, Who Wants To Watch That, Also There Are No Swords Or Giant Robots How Ghey.

4. Animes Can Be Funny By Being Crazy And Random!

They Make Silly Faces! Like When The Characters Are Sitting Around And Eating A Traditional Nipponese Dinner Of Those Rice Balls With Black Squares On Them, And When One Character Eats All teh Rice Balls And Leaves None For Nobody Else, The Other Characters Go "Waa-Waa-Waaaaaaa" And They Fall Down Really Fast And The CHaracter Who Ate All The Rice Balls Is Embarrassed And He Has Like These Red Lines on His Forehead And His Eyes Are Like Squiqqles And THere Is A Giant Swaetdrop On His Head, That Is A Very Funny Thing To Happen Beccause That Is How People Are Embarressed In Nipon.

That Is A Very FUnny And Silly Thing, And Animes Can Be Very Funny Liek That, Like This One Anime Known As Fooly Coolly (Or FLCL As It Is Known In Nipon) Which Is Raelly Weird And Is So Funny And Crazy, It Is A Lot Better Than That Dumb Show on [adult swim] Space GHost, Which Isn't At All Silly And Random Liek Anime Is, Instead It Is Just All Talking, Which Is SOOOO Dumb I Mean When Do You Ever Get Any Comedy Out Of Dialogue Am I Right Or Am I Right?

Also All Animes Have The Same Funny Characters In All Shows, Like There is Always This One Character In Every Anime Who Is A Pervert, Like He Is Always Touching Girls Butts LOL ^_^ And That Leads Me To My Fourth And Final Point:

5. Anime Babes Are Hot!! o_O;;

OK I May Be Really Weird (Normal People Worry Me LOL) But Dont Look At Me Liek That Anime Babes Are Totally Hot!