I knew that if I was going to make a crappy website I would have to face the inevitable charge that everybody who has started a website in about the past five years has had to face. It took about a week for someone to verify my premonition and post said charge in my crappy, free Angelfire guest book. And although one might think that I am talking about the boastful statement somebody made in the guest book that they were reading my website while on heroin, I am actually talking about the accusation that, in making my crappy website, I have copied off of Maddox.

For those of you not "in the know," Maddox is the creative genius behind The Best Page in the Universe. Maddox's site has existed since 1997 and is one of the most popular websites ever. It is a hilarious website, and if I could sum it up in one sentence, it is the best, if not the first, website to feature hilarious and angry articles about things that piss the creator off, or "rants" as they are known when cell phone companies attempt to use them in commercials. It is constantly being ripped off by idiots who think they are funny and think that they can make a website as good as Maddox's because his website has a very simple layout, and thus they figure actually making it isn't much work. It goes like this: some idiot sees Maddox's, thinks it's funny (but, as this is an idiot, probably doesn't know WHY it's funny), is inspired by the layout and thus thinks he can make the world laugh by writing 200-word articles implying that Peppermint Patty and Marcy from the Peanuts were lesbians or that the entire cast of Scooby Doo was smoking marijuana.

Now that's wonderful and everything, but what I'm complaining about is the backlash against THAT. For some reason every time there is a new website started on the internet somebody has to say that the person ripped off Maddox. And even though there are countless websites which actually have deliberately and explicitly ripped Maddox off, that doesn't mean that EVERY website that tries to be funny is a Maddox rip off. And let me give you an example of one such website that tries to be funny without ripping Maddox off: mine.

First, the only reason I even made this website is so I could archive everything I've written since I started working as a college-newspaper columnist two years ago. That means about 90 percent of everything on this awful site was written before I even considered making a website to put it on. And you can throw out the idea that I steal subjects to write about from Maddox; since that "90 percent of everything on this awful site" was also written for a, as previously noted, college newspaper, and alas, I did not plagiarize any Maddox articles to write my columns about renovations to a student union at some college in Wisconsin. And finally, anybody who looks at my writing style and thinks it is a poorly done copy of Maddox's is a complete moron. For starters I don't think Maddox's site would be as popular if he wrote in several-hundred word sentences and used an entirely incorrect and nonsensical syntax. Second, if there was anybody whom I did completely steal my prose style from, it would Seanbaby. If somebody were to accuse me of ripping off Seanbaby, I would probably say "yeah, probably." (Additionally, some idiots might think I stole the pirate motif from Maddox. Maddox also might appreciate the complete awesomeness of pirates, but that doesn't mean the fact that my website is named "Gorilla Pirate" means I got it from him. Case in point: aside from the name, my site really has nothing to do with pirates. Also there are monkeys).

Saying something like "your page is a rip-off of Maddox" is like criticizing a movie or album or what the hell ever by saying that its creators "were trying to hard"; it's not that the phrase is complete bunk, but most people don't actually know what it means, and it's something that people who are idiots think they can say to make themselves sound smart without having to come up with something intelligent or original or justifiable to say. Next time you hear somebody say they don't like a movie or something because the people behind it "tried too hard," ask them to elaborate. Why would that make something suck? When somebody tries really hard to make something, and if it does suck, it doesn't suck because they tried hard. Usually when things suck it's because the people behind them didn't try hard enough.

Here's another example: After this column I wrote originally appeared in the newspaper I write for, I got an e-mail from somebody claiming that I was trying to rip off The Onion. To this day I really can't understand how they could make the connection between the Onion and THAT of all columns, and it's not like the rest of the e-mail clarified anything; it was pretty much something like "first paragraph: a little funny. Second paragraph: not funny. Third paragraph: a little funny ... in summation you are not funny."

The reason people do this, I believe, is because people love reviewing the work that other people produce, because they think that's easier than coming up with something original themselves, except most people don't know how to review things and, in fact, are absolutely terrible at it. Hence when people "review" things, they tend to say a lot of things like "This was good/bad, but I don't know why it was good/bad, so that must mean it must either be smart/stupid. The end."

Now first, let me make it clear that even though I think people who accuse me of ripping of somebody whom I obviously didn't are retardos, this does not mean that Maddox's page is for retardos or that anybody who enjoys his page is a retardo. Maddox's page is obviously much, much, much better and funnier then mine, and if you needed me to tell you that then you probably wear a bicycle helmet all the time because your doctor instructed you to, took classes in high school to learn how to use a cash register, and boo the wrestlers you refer to as "bad guys" when you watch wrestling on TV. It's just that, like with other things that are of a high quality, lots of people like Maddox's site, and deservedly so. But whenever you have a quantity of people that is "lots of people," there is bound to be a high percentage of those "lots of people" who are complete idiots. This attributes to the fact that whenever you have anything that is good, it is usually ruined by the people who like it too much. Don't believe me? Well then go to www.fanfiction.net and prepare to be proven wrong, because fan fiction is a phenomenon that arises out of someone's incredible love for something yet is an institution that is so awful, it actually makes the original "something" worse.

I would also like to make clear that I am not just saying all of this in a futile attempt to defend myself. Hell, I KNOW that my website sucks. But if you really want to talk about how much I suck, at least recognize the correct reasons WHY I suck. For example, as previously stated, you could say that I ripped of Seanbaby; that's one reason why my site sucks. You could also say that everything I write is too wordy, and that I use an awful lot of words to say nothing in particular. You could complain about my columns about issues and topics that aren't relevant to anybody who doesn't attend a certain university in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. Hell, you could even just say that the things I write are stupid and not funny, and I would seriously consider that to be a more legitimate claim then saying I robbed Maddox.

The point is, unless you know what the hell you're talking about, don't bandy about the accusation that people with websites are copying Maddox; stick to types of criticism that come naturally, like calling things "dum (sic)," "retarded" or "gay." You'll somehow sound less stupid that way.