This year’s gubernatorial election is one of the most hotly contested in recent years. Even the primaries were so close that any of the top candidates easily could have finished in front.

However, most of the people who will vote are not nearly as informed as they should be. There are several candidates who get no coverage in Wisconsin television, radio, or newspapers simply because they do not belong to a major political party.

While the Wisconsin media is busy covering the Republican, Democratic and even Green and Libertarian Parties, there are candidates for governor nobody knows about. And simply because they belong to political parties with names like "Guerilla Attack on State Spending" or "The Rasta Movement."

The first independent candidate for governor is Michael Mangan, who is protesting for the right of all candidates on the gubernatorial ballot to be allowed to appear on the televised debates. He does this by dressing up in a gorilla suit.

Mangan’s political party will appear this November on the ballot as "Guerilla Attack on State Spending." Mangan carries around a sign that reads "Guerilla Attack" and wears a red, white and blue chain around his neck that he refers to as the "chains of democracy that have to be broken." He also carries a box full of peanuts, labeled: "Remaining tobacco settlement funds after Gov. McCallum Squander."

Mangan only campaigns in the gorilla suit at random. For instance the All-Star game at Miller Park, where he was arrested for disorderly conduct.

Mangan has limited himself to a $500 campaign budget to show that he is serious about reforming state spending. Surely that limit has nothing to do with the fact that Mangan has no money and nobody wants to give him any.

Mangan’s disorderly conduct charge will set his campaign back $432, although he is quite certain that the charges will be thrown out for some reason.

Since the charges most likely won’t be thrown out, after purchasing the gorilla suit and paying the disorderly conduct charge, Mangan will only have enough money left to ride the bus once to get to a street corner to campaign/perform.

He also might have enough money left to throw some pennies into a nearby fountain and wish for fiscal responsibility, but that’s not important. What is important about Mangan’s campaign is that there is actually some guy running for governor who dresses up in a gorilla suit and says he will do so until he is taken seriously as a candidate.

Another independent candidate for governor is Ty Bollerud. Many people might be familiar with Bollerud through the hand painted wood signs that dot the Wisconsin landscape. They say, in stenciled letters "Ty Bollerud for Governor. Freedom." It is good to know that we finally have a candidate who doesn’t hate freedom.

Apparently, Bollerud will be speaking for farmers as well as freedom. When asked by the Wisconsin Council for Children and Families if he would support state legislation to increase minimum wage as adjusted by inflation, Bollerud replied, "Yes and $15 per 100 pounds of milk for the farmer with less than 100 cows. It's our history, we need to take care of our history."

And if that didn’t sound insane enough to you, when Bollerud was asked by Jerry Huffman of Wisconsin Public Television how he would fix the state deficit, Bollerud replied "I have no clue. I mean, it starts -- you got to look at like -- like I think I agree with Ed Thompson."

So remember, if you are looking for a candidate who answers questions with "I have no clue" then vote Ty Bollerud.

The next independent candidate is Alan Eisenberg, who actually has a website. His lovely site (www.alaneisenberg.com) contains lots of pink and pictures of him hugging dogs with the general ambience of a 12-year-old girl’s AOL personal homepage. Eisenberg is a lawyer, or something, and apparently he is the Secretary of the Wisconsin Umpires Association.

Most importantly, Eisenberg has animations of dogs running back on forth on his website, and that’s just something you can’t do when you blow all your money on a gorilla suit or plywood signs.

Eisenberg is representing the Reform Party in this year’s election, which is a party that is just barely more respectable than the Guerilla Attack on State Spending Party. The Reform party has been the preferred party of such political masterminds as Pat Buchanan, Ross Perot and Jesse Ventura.

Finally, there’s Aneb Jah Rasta Sensas-Utcha Nefer-I, whose party is The Rasta Movement. I swear I didn’t make that name up.

There is almost no information made available about Sensas-Utcha Nefer-I, except it can be assumed he likes reggae music, and he doesn’t like the Internet.

In an article in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, he said he doesn’t have a website because, "My enemies have used things against me in the past. They are devils, and I can’t let them use information against me."

Even though it is strange that people would use biographical information against him, Sensas-Utcha Nefer-I is clearly the best candidate in these gubernatorial elections. I will vote for him and I strongly urge everybody to cast their vote for any candidate with six names.

Editor’s note: Chris Becker is changing his name to Chris-Bob Honda Jay Phineas Becker and is running for district attorney of Winnebago county.