(note: the doucher's letter can be read here. It is the third letter from the top. It's pretty funny)

Last week I wrote a stupid column in which I advocated a violent, Bolshevik revolution of the major student government groups.

Obviously, in real life, I don’t secretly plot the machine-gunning of student government.

Yet for some unknown reason, the six people who read that column got offended at this idea.

I need to address some of these concerns. I know that I do not need to apologize for what I wrote because I am always right and people who complain about me are just people who like to hear the sound of their own voices.

One complaint is that it is unfair of me to say such harsh things about student government groups who work so hard for the rights of the students. I clearly know nothing about these groups because I am advocating their murders.

I have several well thought-out responses and I am ready to present them to prove my point.

First: Shut up.

Second: Yes, I don’t know anything about student government groups or Dan Bush or organizing a communist revolution or if Wal-Mart does indeed sell Kalashnikov rifles in bulk.

Third: As some people may or may not know, this is not the news page, nor is it the editorial page. The LighterSide barely constitutes a string of poorly-created ideas, and it is nowhere near ever being confused with actual journalism.

It is strange that so many people would consider this section of the Advance-Titan, with the Gripe Line, and cartoons, as a section with actual news.

Fourth, my columns are intended to be humorous. Although they rarely are, the fact remains that my columns should never be taken seriously.

You see people; my column, the one that detailed plans to overthrow OSA, used something called "satire."

If you don’t know what that is because you are the type of person who writes letters complaining about the LighterSide editor, just know that things written with "satire" are complete lies but are funny to people who aren’t you.

I have nothing against OSA, USRH or RUB. I have no idea what any of these groups do. I know they have elections and some people win and then they go sit in offices.

I thought it was apparent that I knew nothing about student government. To me, it was obvious that my column was not a satire on student government, but self parody and a satire on communism in general.

But of course I have somehow gone wrong. If you people misunderstand an article it cannot possibly be your fault. It must be my fault that you are stupid.

So from now on I will never again write something that will offend stupid people. However, I still need to try to be funny. And just like people like Dan Bush who call the Gripe Line to talk about themselves, I will try to be funny and fail miserably.

So what hilarious, non-offensive columns can you expect in the near future? Expect something soon that discusses the hilarity of farts and maybe something about kidney stones.

Editor’s note: The Flatulence Society of America is currently picketing the A-T office thanks to Mr. Becker.