I'm sure as you troglodytes stumbled through campus this semester, you have noticed a disturbing trend. For reasons too stupid for me to possibly tolerate, someone has decided it was a good idea to cover every wall in this school with posters depicting a grotesque yellow cartoon anus.

These posters are, of course, part of the "Buttman" advertising campaign. This completely insane campaign is an attempt to make students stop smoking. This follows in the heels of the wildly successful "You know you want to..." advertising campaign, which was wildly successful in pissing off every student who objects to seeing naked men wearing only laptop computers everywhere they look.

Some people might think "Oh you’re overreacting! I’m sure there is a perfectly good reason why someone would use a hideous cartoon butt in an advertising campaign and then not give people the option of not seeing it."

No. There is no reason good enough. I don’t care if putting these posters up somehow solves world hunger and cures most major diseases. That’s still not good enough. The only way these posters can exist without making me pissed off at God is if they throw money at me when I walk by.

If anything, I’m fairly certain I’m under reacting. I’m not just angry because someone actually sat down and consciously decided it would be a good idea to create posters depicting Homer Simpson’s ass. I’m angry because this ad campaign is designed to get students to stop smoking.

Now, I know I’m not the brightest person in the, um, box. I’m easier to fool than those children the Trix rabbit keeps deceiving. But even I know cartoon butts will not be successful in persuading anybody to do anything except maybe buy porn. Having an ad campaign that tries to get students to stop smoking by showing a large cartoon ass is like trying to get someone to buy a dog by showing pictures of Bum Fights.

To me, this is a personal insult to the entire student body. And this type of insult is very different from me calling the entire student body troglodytes or as smart as sponges. This is a much more severe insult, one that students should actually be offended by.

I’m not offended by the omnipresence of a gigantic buttocks telling me what a large percentage of Oshkosh students don’t smoke. Hell, I’d like to see more pornography around campus. But this just reeks of languor. Instead of coming up with a decent ad campaign to convince students smoking is wrong, like an anthropomorphic cigarette with no friends, whoever came up with Buttman just decided to draw a yellow butt and put anti-smoking propaganda underneath it.

This is why that "You know you want to ..." ad campaign sucked, because it didn’t make any sense. Having a poster with two frogs doing the nasty or a man holding a carefully positioned laptop accompanied by a percentage showing how much people who smoke suck isn’t going to make someone want to stop smoking.

If anything, it’s going to make them depressed because a poster told them how much they suck for smoking and confused as to why that man was naked and holding a laptop and what that had to do with anything.

There are several options for students to display their disgust for these terrible, terrible ad campaigns. First, they can ignore them. That might be a good idea, if you’re rational. However, since you’re still reading this garbage, you are clearly not.

My solution to get rid of all this crap (not my crap, the other kind... the bad crap) is to start smoking if you don’t already. And if you do smoke, don’t stop. Hopefully, if the university sees that more people are smoking in response to these God-awful ad campaigns, they’ll stop.

And if you're some kind of pansy who doesn't want to blacken your lungs with tar, at least lie on those surveys you get asking if you smoke. Tell people you smoke even if you don't, and tell people you smoke because of peer pressure and the lack of decent anti-smoking campaigns here at the university.

Smoking might be bad for you, and it will probably kill you, but you’re all going to die anyway. You might as well spend your short time alive in Flavor Country. And I don’t know about the rest of you, but I wouldn’t want to live in a world where I’m surrounded by monstrous yellow asses unless it’s by my own choice.