As I've stumbled around campus this past week, I've heard far too many nay-sayers complaining about the recent actions of that one last honest and just bastion of hope left in the university: The Oshkosh Student Association.

The entire world waited eagerly on the edge of their seats to see whether OSA would give President Bush the go-ahead to invade Iraq. I can only imagine what intense, fiery debates raged on between OSA senators as they strived as hard as 20-year-old college students can strive to reach a completely unbiased opinion that accurately reflects the opinion of the entire student body.

However, many students thought it strange that OSA had voted to not vote on whether OSA should take a stance on the possibility of war with Iraq. This decision left students confused and reactions ranged from "Why the hell would OSA even want to take a stance on the war?" to "What in the hell is an OSA?"

There is a multitude of reasons as to why OSA would choose not to decide on an opinion about a decision that isn’t "Should chalk advertisements be permitted on the sidewalks outside the union?" or "What should this year’s homecoming theme be?" or "Todd is a total jerk because he keeps using my chair when he‘s talking to his girlfriend on the phone, even though I’m not just a crappy senator, I’m an elected officer!"

OSA clearly has the best interests of the student body in mind. They are a group that would clearly not even want to put forth an official stance on the war unless they were sure it would completely represent the official stances of every single student attending the university.

I’m sure OSA discovered that, after conducting extensive interviews with every single student they represent, there was not a unanimous opinion among students about the current situation regarding the possibility of war.

Hence, OSA was left with one of two options: they could either vote to not vote to determine their official stance, or they could deliver the urgent news to president Bush that the students of Oshkosh are divided on this issue.

You people who complain about how frivolous OSA is make me sick. You should all be on your incompetent knees, thanking a merciful God that OSA was not divided on whether or not they should vote to decide whether or not they should take a vote to decide their official stance on the war with Iraq because they very easily could have.

Besides, OSA has far more important things to worry about than something insignificant, like whether they think world peace is a great idea, as hard as that might be to believe. OSA is constantly legislating extremely important pieces of, um, stuff that has the utmost importance to the average student.

OSA is there to make sure that we as college students, have a safe and fun time during our stay here at school. OSA is constantly enacting rules that do more than protect us; OSA is here to make sure we have an awesome time during our "school daze!"

So do you want to know what OSA has been doing recently that is so much more important than telling the president whether he should send thousands of America’s youth with orders to kill and die for their country and whether we would condone that action when he ignores OSA?

Well, OSA has been busy passing important policies for the OSA office. Among these new laws (which will help every student on campus have an awesome time) are: "The phone is to stay in the OSA office. If the office is too noisy, phone use is limited to the couches outside the office," "Printing on the computers should not be used to print excessively long documents. Use moderation" and "No offensive language will be tolerated during OSA office hours."

Screw the war with Iraq! I am personally extremely relieved that OSA has taken these precautions to assure the students of the university that their ultimate happiness is the reason OSA is working around the clock to enact policies like "Table and computer areas must be kept clean. Paper, printouts, etc., will be thrown out."

We should be licking the crud off of the boots of every student involved in OSA. They are a wonderful group of people who ensure we will be spending hundreds of additional dollars during our years here at school so the chancellor can hire more advisers to tell students to use Titanweb to sign up for classes for 12 minutes a day and play Game Boy for the other 26 minutes they will be on campus.

All you negative nellies can get on your knees and bite me. I love OSA. Any group that cares so much about me that they spend their time deciding "No ‘chatting’ will be allowed on the computers during OSA office hours" is OK in my book. You stupid freaking jerks can eat me.