First let me say that I agree with just about everything Greg Hayfner said, about Teen Titans being humanity's last chance for salvation and all. I thought that was apparent in the poorly written and ill thought-out article I wrote about Teen Titans (or "TT," if you will). I don't know what article Mr. Hayfner read, but I believe my previous article is clear on my belief that TT is the last bastion of hope for mankind. Obviously, being so predictable what with the "You think my life is so easy, but you could never do it! So that settles it, we'll trade jobs for a day!" type story lines, TT gives us what we expect and prevents us from learning new and potentially dangerous things, as well as making us feel smarter and more confident because we know exactly what will happen 18 minutes before it does. Clearly, this soared over Mr. Hayfner's head.
However, there is one point of Mr. Hayfner's article that is grossly inaccurate:
"Once the polar ice caps melt, Aquaman will reign supreme."
Total bullshit. Mr. Hayfner clearly has no expertise in the arena of fags arguing which graphic novel (or "comic book," if you will) character is the best, for the answer to that question is never Aquaman. In this rebuttal, I plan to carefully diagram and systematically break down the obvious truth that Aquaman is still the worst superhero ever, even if the world is covered in water and he is the only one who can breath under water.
First, assuming the polar ice caps do melt, the world will resemble the critically acclaimed Kevin Costner bucket of shit "Water World." Everyone will live on boats and paddle around looking for Mount Everest until they die. In the movie "Water World," Kevin Costner could breath underwater, and he was far from a superhero. He drank his own pee and could have easily had his ass beaten by Superman, Batman, the Flash, Apache Chief, or even the Wonder Twins. Being able to breath under water wouldn't help Kevin Costner in "Water World" if the Hulk was gunning for him, and breathing under water is basically the only super power Aqua Man has.
Oh wait! But he can talk to fish! I nearly forgot! That's more of a bullshit super power than the Flash saying "but wait, if I can just vibrate my molecules fast enough," and he could do anything whether it made sense or not. If the world becomes a Kevin Costner dystopia, being able to ask a fish how its day was is not going to help Aquaman be any less of a joke. What's he going to do, politely ask some cute dolphins to viciously frolic Black Manta to death? Even if the world's population was floating around in crudely constructed rafts, Aqua Man would still get his ass kicked by any of the gayest superheroes, like someone in the X-Men whose mutant power is always knowing what time it is, or cancer.
Ok, so Aquaman can safely stay underwater as long as he wants, and he can ask fish to do his bidding. Super Man would just burst underwater and beat Aquaman's ass, as well as all the asses of the giant squids and sharks that Aquaman requested attack Superman. Batman would have a $3 trillion nuclear submarine (the "Bat Sub," if you will), with an atomic harpoon. The Flash can still probably run fast under water, what with his molecule-vibrating and whatnot. Apace Chief is still big underwater. Most superheroes can fly, which would automatically make them better than Aquaman, even in a post-apocalyptic world where Kevin Costner is trying to deliver the mail. No wait. Nevermind.
The point is, Aquaman would still suck, even if the entire world was completely covered in water. Which really says a lot as to how much Aquaman sucks, because if the world was nothing but a bunch of tiny islands floating in the sky, Hawkman would be a fucking god. There is, however, someone worse than Aquaman, regardless of the circumstance, and that is the Riddler. But that only shows how truly awful the Riddler is. Aquaman still sucks ass.