Adult Swim: Point/Counterpoint

Point: ADULT SWIM SUCKS, MON!
by Violently Angry Rasta, a violently angry rasta.

ADULT SWIM MAKES ME ANGRY. I MAY BE A DIRTY, LECHEROUS, MARIJUANA-DEPENDENT, POOR FISHERMAN IN JAMAICA WHO HAS BEEN ARRESTED NUMEROUS TIMES FOR SLASHING THE TIRES OF THE INFERNAL TAXIS THAT CARRY THE GODDAMN WHITE TOURISTS INTO MY VILLAGE WHERE THEY POINT AND STARE AT ME AS IF I WAS MOTHER FUCKING DONALD DUCK AT DISNEY WORLD, BUT EVEN I KNOW THAT ADULT SWIM SUCKS MORE THAN IT USED TO, AND I NEVER SAW IT PRIOR TO THE NIGHT I SAW IT IN A JAIL CELL AFTER I THREW A CINDER BLOCK AT THAT HOLIDAY INN BAR TENDER'S FACE. I JUST KNOW THAT ADULT SWIM DIDN'T USE TO SUCK AS MUCH BECAUSE IT COULDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE SUCKED ANY MORE THAN WHAT I SAW.

AND HOW THE FUCK DOES A THIRD-RATE POLICE STATION IN KINGSTON GET SATELLITE TV, WHEN ALL I GOT IS MY PIECE OF SHIT TWO NETWORKS, ONE THAT SHOWS COOL RUNNINGS NONSTOP AND THE OTHER SHOWS COOKING PROGRAMS IN A LANGUAGE I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EXISTED. AND COOL RUNNINGS IS A SLAP IN MY DIRTY, MATTED, OVERGROWN FACE. IF I WANTED TO WATCH JAMAICANS EMBARRASS THEMSELVES AND OUR CULTURE, I WOULD GO VISIT MY PARENTS. HAILLE H. SELASSIE!

BUT BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BIG O BULLSHIT? DOES CARTOON NETWORK THINK THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH PUTTING TOTAL GARBAGE ON THE AIR AND PEOPLE WILL STILL WATCH IT? WELL, NOT THIS RENEGADE, PLAYS-BY-HIS-OWN-RULES, PRONE TO FITS OF UNCONTROLLABLE VIOLENCE FISHERMAN, MON!

I COULD HAVE FUCKING WATCHED MILK TURN INTO YOGURT AND GOTTEN THE SAME ENTERTAINMENT VALUE AS I DID WATCHING THAT RETARDED ASS PIECE OF ORIENTAL SHIT. I CONSIDER IT AN INSULT THAT CARTOON NETWORK THINKS THEY CAN OFFER ME A SHOW AND TRICK ME INTO THINKING IT'S DEEP, AND MEANINGFUL, AND IS JUST STUPID BULLSHIT ABOUT GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING OTHER GIANT ROBOTS JUXTAPOSED WITH DRAMATIC PAUSES AND PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL TOPICS OF DISCUSSION LIKE "DO ROBOTS HAVE FEELINGS" OR "WHO THE FUCK COULD POSSIBLY BE STUPID ENOUGH TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS GODDAMN, BROWN-STAINED COD PIECE OF A SHOW?!"

BIG O IS A SHITTY CARTOON WRITTEN AS IF IT WAS DEEP AND MEANINGFUL, BUT IT ISN'T. BIG O IS LIKE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE WHO LOOK UP AT THE NIGHT SKY AND SAY "WOW, SOMETIMES, WHEN I LOOK AT THE STARS, I THINK THAT WE CAN'T POSSIBLY BE ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE. YOU KNOW, I REALLY BELIEVE THERE IS A GOD. NOW, I DON'T THINK THERE'S SOME BIG, OLD GUY IN A ROBE WITH A LONG, WHITE BEARD SITTING ON A CLOUD, BUT I THINK THERE IS SOMEONE, OR SOMETHING, SOME FORCE OUT THERE." THEN I PROCEED TO SMASH THEIR FACE OPEN WITH AN ALUMINUM BASEBALL BAT BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH MORONIC BULLSHIT I CAN PUT UP WITH BEFORE I JUST SNAP!

ANYBODY WHO THINKS SHIT LIKE BIG O IS A GOOD IDEA SHOULD HAVE THEIR EYES GOUGED OUT WITH A PLASTIC COMB, MON. BIG O ISN'T THE ONLY STUPID SHIT ON ADULT SWIM. THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT A GIANT, TALKING HAPPY MEAL AND SOMETHING ABOUT A GENERIC BATMAN RIP-OFF INTERVIEWING ELVIRA, BUT THAT DIDN'T INFURIATE ME TOO MUCH BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON, AT LEAST THE PEOPLE IN THOSE SHOWS DIDN'T HAVE BLUE SPIKY HAIR. BUT THEN ADULT SWIM SHOVED A FEW MORE HOURS OF SHITTY JAPANESE CARTOONS THAT TAKE THEMSELVES TOO SERIOUSLY. AND WHAT THE FUCK WAS WITH THOSE BUMPERS? ARE THEY WRITTEN BY SALMON WITH DOWN SYNDROME AND BUSY SCHEDULES? YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU ADULT SWIM. FUCK YOU IN THE ASS, WITH A TORCH. WHITE DEVILS. >:-(

Counterpoint: I LOEV ANIME!! ^_^
by Nathaniel Hawthorne, American Romantic author

ANIME IS SERIOUSLY THE BESTT HING EVAR, TAHTS' WHY I'MA SO GLAD THERIS ADULT SWIM ON TV CUS I DONT HAVE TO WATCH THE SCI FI CHANNLE OR TECK TV CUZ THEYRE ANIMES RAEALLY S*CK, IF YUO'LL PARDNO MY FRENCH >_<;;.

ADULT SWIM ONLY PLACE GOOD ANIME LIKE TEH BIG O OR VASH TH E STAMPEED, OR FLCL, ALSO KNOWN AS FOOLY COOLY (RO FOORY COORY AS THEY SAY IN NIPON, WITHC IS WAHT WE OTAKOOS CALL JAPAN ^.^) AND FLCL (OR MABEY FRCR LOLLOO ^_~) IS PROBIBLY MY AL LTIME FAVORIT ANIME, ITS RAELLY GOOD AN DDEEP, A LTO LIKE CACTHER IN TEH RYE EXCEP IT DOENST TAEK PLACE IN THE PASSED SO IT MAEKS SENSE.

MAN DUDE, I HDA TO RAED CAHTCRE IN TEH RYE FOR ENGISLH CLASS LAST YEAR, TAHT BOOK S*CKT!!!1

N E WAYZ, BACK TO ANIME, I THINK THE REISIN ADULT SWIM IS SO GOOD AND POPALAR IS BECUS OF THE ANIME, ALL TEH SMART POEPLE AT MY SCHOOL AND THE COOLEST PEOPLE ALL LIEK ANIME, EXCEPT FOR ANIMAYS LIK E POKYMON OR HAMTARO, TAHTS JUST STOPID SH*T FOR LITDLE KDIS, ALTHUOGH I LIEK YU GI OH ADN DRAGIN BALL Z. ^_^;;

DDI I MENTION TAHT I WROTE TEH SCARLET LETTER AS A MEANS TO WRESTLE WITH MY PURITAN ANCESTREY, WITHC I CONCIDER BOHT A CURSE ADN A GIFT?!?!?! ^_^

ALL TEH G AYSET PEOLPE AT MY HIGH SCHOOL (I WSIH I WENT TO EAST HIGH SCHOOL, TEHY HAVE A CLASS IN ANIMATION, I WOULD GET GOOD GRAEDS TO DO REPOTRS ON ANIME, YAY!! ^_^) DONT' LIKE ANIME, THEIR TEH MEATHEAD JOCKS WHO SHOEV ME AND TEH REST OF THE ANIME CLUB INTO LOCKERS AND LAUHG AT MY HELLO KITTY AND DRAGNO BALL Z SHIRTS. TEHY DON'T LIKE ANIME, SO OVBIOUSLY ANIME IS ONYL FOR COOL DUDES ^_~

WIHCH IS Y ADULT SWIM IS ONLY FOR COOL POEPLE LIEK ME, AND MY FRIEND CHAD (CHAD ACTUALLY OWNS MANY UNCENSORED ANIMES ON DVD, HE'S SO LUCKY I WISH MY MOM WOULD LET ME GET UNCENSORED ANIME DVDS FOR CHRISTMAS BUT SHE SAID NO, GET OVER IT MOM IM' OLD ENUFF ALRAEDY!!!) OR THE RETS OF TEH PEOPLE ON MY AMINE FAN NEWS GROUP.

WE ALL LOEV WATCHIGN ADULT SWIM, ADN WE WERE ALL VERY ECXITED WEHN BIG O SATRTED BEANING SHOWT AAS TEH FIRST SHOW ON ADULT SWIM SUNDYAS, CUS NOW WE DON 'T HAEV TO SIT THREW ALL THOSE STOPID SHOWS LIEK THE ONE ABUOT A SODA AD ND MEATBALL OR SPACEGHOST, SPAECGOST DOESNT ' EEVN MAEK SENCE ITS SO DUMB. I LIEK HARVY BIRDMIN: ATERNEY OF LAW THOGH, DID U C TEH ONE WEHRE SHAGGY SMOKED POT, THAT WAS SO LOL!! TAHT WAS SO TOTILLY WHAT EVERYONE WSA THINKING, WHERE DO TEHY GET THEYRE IDEAS? o_O

BIG O IS LIEK A REAL DEEP SHOW, ITS NOT JUTS KEWL GINAT ROBOTS FITEING, ALTHOUHG IT IS AXTION PACT. IT GETS ITNO REEL DEEP ISSYOUS, JUST LIEK VASH TEH STAMPEED, OR COWBOY BEEBOP, BUT I DONT' LIEK COWBOY BEEBOP TAHT MUCH CUS TEHY DON 'TMAKE ENOF ANIME FACES, ADN THEIR NEEDS TO BE MORE ED, MORE ED NOW!! ^_^

I WROET TEH SHORTE STORE "YOUNG GOODMAN BROWN" AS A CRITISISM OF PURITAN BELIEFS

TEHRE ARE OTHER GOOD ANIMES ON ADULT SWIM, LIEK INU YASHA (I THINK KAGOMAI IS HOT, BUT DON 'TTELL ANYBODY, I'M JUST REAL STRANGE O_o;;). BUT TI COOD BE BETTER, FRO ECCAMPLE TEHY PLAY SOME ANYMIS THAT AREN'T ANY GOOD AT ALL, LIEK LUPIN TEH THRID, WTF ITS LIKE FOURTY YAERS OLD, WHO WATNS TO SEE SOEMTHING WIHT NO GAINT ROBOTS ADN ONLY ONE NINJA??! BOOOORING LOOLL *_*

DDI I MENTOIN THAT I'M GOOD FRIENDS WITH HERMAN MELVILLE?!?!

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