TV sucks now. TV has always sucked probably, but I was too young to realize how awful this medium of entertainment really is. The only TV I watch now is on DVD, because it's TV worth paying for AND YOU CAN CONTROL WHEN YOU WANT TO WATCH IT, A FEATURE THAT ACTUAL TELEVISION HAS YET TO PROVIDE (which is probably what TiVo is, now that I think about it. I really care about TiVo either). But to get back to my point, TV has changed. TV doesn't make me happy anymore. I turn on the TV and I ask "What's on TV?" and then TV glares at me menacingly and engages in hearty laughter. It's gotten to a point where TV expects YOU to entertain it, like in Soviet Russia. :(
I'll begin with my disappointment in TV with Nickelodeon, a channel I grew up with and still watch sometimes because the Fairly Oddparents is actually pretty good and Spongebob is OK and sometimes Rocko's Modern Life is on at 3:00 on Sunday afternoon if TV wants to be nice that day (WHICH IT HASN'T IN A WHILE). Nickelodeon was cool when it didn't suck, but I think it forgot how to not suck over the years and now it's good at sucking. Now Nickelodeon is 90% infested with cartoons for kindergarteners and retarded children, and the only block of shows that aren't cartoons is on primetime Sunday, except those are programs they taped live from Fag Central. I don't know who the hell "Romeo" is, but he smells like watermelon and KFC and I hate him. >:(
Of course at this point, I could go into a detailed explanation of why MTV turned into one big browneye, but then I remembered that I always fucking hated MTV, so that doesn't count. I could also explain why Adult Swim sucks, because it's a new and innovative idea and I'd probably be the first one to do it. Instead I'll take the next paragraph to list every thing that pisses me off about TV now.
Big O, Kid Notorious, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Saturday Night Live, The Simpsons, The Next Joe Millionaire, Punk'd, Friends, According to Jim, Animal Planet, Crank Yankers, Survivor, JAG, The Amazing Race, Friends, MadTV, Scrubs, Fear Factor, The Man Show, David Letterman, Chappelle's Show, America's Funniest Home Videos, Friends, Sharon Osbourne's New Buttfuck Show, Judging Amy, Inuyasha, Who's Line is it Anyway, VH1's I Love The 80's, Coupling, The Drew Carey Show, Dog Eat Dog, Craig Kilborn, Who Wants to Marry My Dad, Full House, Friends, Anything on BET, The West Wing, Arrested Development, A Minute with Stan Hooper, CBS 75th Year of Failure, Fooly Cooly, Trigun, and Football cutting into half of FOX's Sunday night programming. And the fact that there are no plans of releasing the second season of Malcolm in the Middle on DVD anytime soon. And the fact that not putting all 143 episodes of You Can't Do That on Television in a 22-disc set is a crime in itself. Also, I hate Friends.
So fuck you, TV. I hate you. I wish terrorists would crash into every major network company and its satellite. I wish every racer in Nascar would hit a wall and burn up in a horrible fiery crash that would kill a couple toothless rednecks and their wives and children, assuming that they aren't the same person. I wish the TV Guide would put "TV IS FOR FAGS" under every time slot listed.
I also wish this article didn't suck so much. :(