Avril Lavigne
Being a nerd with absolutely nothing better to do in my life, I find myself watching E! True Hollywood Stories more often than I'm comfortable admitting. No matter what, the E! True Hollywood Stories always prove entertaining. Even if I most of the time don't care about/never heard of the subject of it, I'm always entertained by their stories nonetheless. The problem with today's E! True Hollywood Stories is that they're made for people much older than me, the people who watched Gimme A Break when it was on network TV and are now getting the chance to find out what really happened behind the scenes. So I wondered what it would be like to be in the future, when E! True Hollywood Stories are about things that are popular right now and the hidden stories they have. Well, except for the Saved by the Bell one, I watched Saved by the Bell as a kid and the E! True Hollywood Story was boring, seriously all they said was "The cast had a lot of fun making Saved by the Bell, but then the show got cancelled and they couldn't find other work because they were typecast, but eventually they overcame that and found work." I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THAT JUST BY GUESSING. One time I watched a documentary of Jackie Kennedy for no reason, just because it was on. Even while watching it I told myself "There's a million things I'd rather do than watch this" but I just couldn't stop. I was going to watch it just up to the commercial, BUT GUESS WHAT, IT WAS ON PBS, THERE ARE NO COMMERCIALS. So I spent an hour learning about the life of JFK's wife. Hooray for me. Where the hell was I? OH YEAH, the E! True Hollywood Stories of the future, this page is about some famous subjects of today that will one day make interesting E! True Hollywood Stories for me to watch.
Avril's pretty overbashed but I only think so because I'm legally retarded. When I really think about it, she's not really overbashed, everything most people say about her is true. She contradicts herself all the time in interviews. She really seems to be little more than a marketing tool for some big corporation. BUT IS SHE?? Seriously, how much of the songs did she write on her album? And did she really do everything "on her own terms" like that commercial I just saw today said? I don't know, that's why I have to wait until the E! True Hollywood Story comes out. I really don't want to sound like I'm bashing Avril because I'm not. Everyone else does, the truth is I can't give a fuck less about music. If a band got up and played the worst song in the world I wouldn't care. Also I like Avril because I think she's secksy and STFU.
I'm actually quite surprised they haven't already done an E! True Hollywood Story on Full House. In fact, I'd bet they already did and I'm just too stupid to remember and I'll probably look like an idiot when I put this page up. But seriously, Bob Saget went on to become the universe's most hated fag until the end of time, as did Dave Coulier, Uncle Jesse married Rebecca Romijn and continued to never work again, Stephanie, D.J., Kimmy Gibbler and Uncle Jesse's wife were never heard from again, and the Olsen Twins went on to become more successful than the rest of the cast combined. Shit, the Olsen Twins could probably have their own E! True Hollywood Story. You can't be that famous at that young without being at least a little fucked up.
Yeah yeah yeah, we all know about Tim Allen's drug charges from before he became a sitcom star, but the big story is what happened after. And of course I mean him never doing anything remotely successful again aside from being the voice of a toy spaceman. No one worked again actually. Al went on to take Louie Anderson's job as Family Feud host, I don't know what the fuck happened to Brad (was that the name of the oldest kid?), JTT was a superfamous teen heartthrob for a while and then never worked again, I dunno, Jill and Wilson have to have their own stories too. And then there's Mark. Aside from being really fruity and never working again after Home Improvement, I heard that he married a 38-year-old and is suing his parents for control of his trust fund. This show will make for a lol E! True Hollywood Story.
She made a billion dollars and will probably never work after she's 17 or 18, this show has E! True Hollywood Story written all over it. Recently Hilary Duff quit Disney because they wouldn't give her enough money to make more TV shows and movies. And then there's Miranda, why oh why would she quit such a supremely successful TV show right when it's about to end and then not even take part in the movie? The story of Lizzie McGuire probably isn't even done yet. I should go work for the E! network.
Russian underaged lesbian schoolgirl pop superstars, yes you read right they're Russian, it's almost as if they were made for some kind of ETHS-like exposé. Seriously, were these just two lesbian girls who wanted to be pop singers? Or were they just two regular girls who were forced into secksing eachother for old sex perverts? I read somewhere that they were inspiring chicks to make out with eachother or something. Also I heard that their manager was jailed on pedophile charges and that he slept with one of them when they were 14. We won't have to wait too long for this E! True Hollywood Story since they'll probably burn out pretty quickly.
WASN'T THAT A HORRIBLE ARTICLE? And it wasn't about Adult Swim either. I originally planned to make a "Top Ten Future E! True Hollywood Stories" page but I could only think of five. Maybe I'll think of five more and then make another page, and then MERGE THE TWO PAGES. Ah, someday...