Why Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law Still Sucks

Approximately two and a half years after it made its stealth premiere in December 2000, Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law has managed to shit out three more episodes, bringing its grand total to: nine. This show proved to me what I’ve thought from the day I saw Unabooboo, that Harvey Birdman is an overrated piece of shit that has absolutely no way of ever returning to its former hilarity that it once had. The show just continues to be enjoyed by retards, although for a different reason than it used to. While Birdman used to be only good for the “novelty” of seeing old cartoon characters do “adult” things, now it’s not funny at all for any reason. Basically, the writers are so fucking out of ideas that the show has just lost any semblance of originality that it once had and became a show about “a bumbling Joe Everyman working an office job amongst a cast of KA-RAAAZY co-workers”. And because it was such a hit in my last Birdman Sucks article, I will once again do a show-by-show breakdown of why Birdman is a horrible boring unfunny show.

Episode 7: Deadomutt, Part 1- Horrible, boring, unfunny shit. I knew it would suck, but it was so much worse than I expected. Throughout the entire episode I couldn’t find a single thing that could possibly be construed as creative or funny. Here’s what I imagined was going through the writers heads as they wrote this episode: “Well, Sealab, Space Ghost and ATHF are all random and weird and they’re all very funny, so if we be weird and random, then we’ll be funny, whether or not we write jokes”. And that’s what this episode was, randomness, weirdness, a complete lack of jokes. Blue Falcon and Peter Potamus were added to this episode just for the simple need for an old cartoon character to use as filler. Fuck, Blue Falcon could have just as easily been Kwicky Koala. They didn’t even make any attempt to keep him in character. Of course, there are shows like Space Ghost Coast to Coast and Sealab 2021 that don’t try to stay in character with their Hanna-Barbera past, but those shows are funny for different reasons and don’t rely on the novelty of seeing old cartoon characters do adult things like Birdman does. Why was Blue Falcon given a Spanish accent? Pretty much because all of Birdman’s fans are either under 17 or over 30, the under 17 crowd thinks it’s funny because they have no idea who the fuck Blue Falcon is, the over 30 crowd thinks it’s so funny to see Blue Falcon in something that isn’t his original show that they don’t care that the episode entirely lacked humor. Even though Unabooboo is and always will be my least favorite Birdman, I consider this to be the worst episode of Birdman because it’s written so poorly. And why the fuck is it a cliffhanger? Now let’s pretend I didn’t already have a gigantic bias against Birdman, looking at this episode strictly from a writing perspective, I can’t imagine anyone caring about the characters or the story after watching this episode enough to actually want to watch the second part.

Episode 8: Deadomutt, Part 2- A merely horrendous conclusion to a downright excruciating first part. Gay jokes are abound as the writers try desperately to be as wacky as Sealab and the rest of the Adult Swim shows, and fail at every single joke. That seemed to be the theme of this past season of Birdman, ruining every joke immediately. The writers just talk down to the audience so much it’s insulting. As soon as a somewhat decent joke is made and I feel like I’m almost about to crack a smile, the show is slowed down to a complete halt as the writers say “This is what that joke meant” and suck the energy right out. Yeah, Birdman is in jail, people have gay secks in jail! Whoops, Birdman needs to make a copy of his butt prints how funny! Haha, the Pope! How random! The ending was a cop-out of Sealab-like proportions, not only was it completely predictable that Birdman wouldn’t really be executed, but I’ve already seen that joke done on Mad TV. There was an old Mad TV sketch from way back where a guy was put in jail for years and years, and in the end it was all just a joke for a “Candid Camera”-type show. Now I’m not saying that Birdman copied Mad TV, but the fact that such a similar joke was already done on TV years before just proves how uncreative the writers of this show truly are. Like the last episode, all the randomness felt forced and not funny at all. Birdman should be goddamn cancelled.

Episode 9: X, the Exterminator- The best of the past season of Birdman, wait, maybe “best” isn’t the right word, more like the “least bad” episode. But that’s like saying the least bad tasting shit, it’s still horrible. Overall, it was very unfunny and boring and every joke was ruined because the writers are so utterly talentless. What this episode did have going for it is that it, for the most part, didn’t have that nauseating feeling of forced randomness that it usually has and it didn’t completely rely on gay jokes and the novelty of “wholesome” cartoon characters in adult situations. Don’t get me wrong, this episode was by no means “good”, what did suck about it was that the writers are so bad they can’t even make any jokes without relying on a reference to a previous episode of Birdman from when the show wasn’t as shitty. Also, X the Eliminator was a complete ripoff of Tansut. I know that everyone loves to immediately disagree whenever I say that anything is even a reference to Space Ghost, but in this case, like in every other case, I am right. You are wrong. X the Eliminator was a ripoff of Tansut. There is absolutely no way around it. He used to be a villain, now he is a fat bumbling loser with a wimpy voice who can’t do anything right. And he even wears a Tansut-like hood. X the Eliminator was a ripoff of Tansut. I am right. Arguing would just be futile, I am right. The sooner you can get your mind around that, the sooner you will realize that I am right. And what was with the subplot of Birdman looking for a place to shit? For fucks sake, Animaniacs did that, and did it a thousand times funnier. Anyway, this episode is when Birdman went from an unfunny novelty show to becoming an humorless version of Office Space or Dilbert that revolved around the “wackiness of working a daily 9-to-5 job”. It’s not like Birdman was the most original show in the world when it started, the idea of Jonny Quest’s Benton and Race being gay isn’t an original idea, but the idea of a show that took apart and messed with the legacy of classic Hanna-Barbera characters has never been seriously done as a TV series. Now it’s just a watered-down version of a thousand other shows I’ve seen before.

So anyway, I hope you all have learned a thing or two about why Birdman is a bad boring show. Instead of being unfunny because the writers just made bad character generalizations about old cartoon characters, now it’s unfunny because the writers aren’t creative enough to do even that and made the show a cross between Dilbert or Office Space and the far superior original programming on Adult Swim, minus the genius and hilarity. Bobo Adobo of the ASMB, the best board ever, said that it seemed that the show was written for middle-aged legal clerks who watch Birdman after drinking their decaf-coffee and paying their mortgage bills and think “This show is just like my office!”, and he’s probably right. Also, X the Eliminator was a Tansut ripoff. You are just afraid of what you aren’t smart enough to understand, and this is one of those things. And in conclusion, to uncreatively quote another person from the ASMB, I believe Gangsta Monocle summed up this past season of Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law in one word: GAYMOFAGGERY >:

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